IF I MAY

Remember how we all thought 2016 was the worst year but boy, oh boy, did 2018 take up the competition. Now I don’t know if it was just me or did you guys also sense that 2018 was cooking up something really rotten before the year even began? Then January took up most of the year and the rest of the year, I don’t know where it went. But it still feels like ages have passed since we last saw each other alright. I would, most willingly, pin this all on growing up but why is every single person messed up? Did someone jinx the even numbers? It was always the ODD numbers that made you uncomfortable. But as the years are turning up to be, 2020 is giving me a big fat scare from around the corner. What has it in for us? World War III? Zombie Apocalypse? Alien invasion? WHAT?

Now as I sit down to scribble these messy thoughts of mine, I don’t know if I saw more marriages or heart breaks this year. Has some cloudy wave wandered off of my thoughts so that now I see how broken every other person is? Or is it this year? I am gonna repeat my favorite statement again. I.DON’T.KNOW.

What I am trying to say in the middle of all this blabbing of mine is that, I know how this year messed all of us up. We lost, all of us, something, some part of us. Maybe it was the alienating friendships that tore us apart; maybe you had some worse experience. Maybe you failed at something you never thought you’d lose. Maybe you didn’t understand everything that happened to you. Maybe you got tied up into something you never wanted. Maybe you had to let go of something you wanted too much. Maybe you lost your support system. Maybe you bled because you held on to something too tight. Maybe you got tired of holding on for too long. Maybe your faith quivered. Maybe your heart, with all that pain, shivered. Or maybe you just sat back and witnessed how everybody around you fell apart and broke down into pieces while all this time, you couldn’t do anything, couldn’t say a word of comfort, couldn’t offer the perfect advice, even though you’re always the one with the right words. Somehow we were all not okay and somehow that was okay.

It’s not over yet. It’s life. Nothing lasts here anyway. Maybe what I am trying to say is that now is the time we lose our stupid grudges. Now is the time we all feel each other, understand. Maybe now is the time that we all help each other out of this crisis. Maybe we are already in the middle of an apocalypse. This? Not knowing, this anxiety, depression, heart aches, distances? Aren’t these apocalyptic enough for us? We are all fighting battles to get through. We are all aiming at survival. By our choice or otherwise. Be kind. Be kind to each other.

You know what matters the most? Keeping faith. You can scoff, call me naïve. Maybe I haven’t walked in your shoes and don’t understand your problems. But at the end of the day, what matters is keeping faith. You have to know this. You have to know Allah is there for you. You have to believe it. Maybe you won’t see it today; you’d see it one day. Maybe you saw it before and it’s all vague now, but the clouds do pass. The day does get clear. Life is a test and you will survive. Reach out, seek help, it is your right. Reach out, help others, it is your duty. Let us all try to find life again. Be naïve, give life another chance. This may not mean much, but I wish you, all of you, a life of faith ahead. It might not really be okay but you will get through this. Hold on.