Even if you do enjoy
your reputation as a mysterious Pandora box, at some point in your life you’d
want to be understood or accepted or at the very least, heard. And it’s a
beautiful feeling knowing that there is someone you can rely on, to shower down
your rants on, because you know they’d listen, they’d understand, they won’t
judge. As a return, you’d offer them your ear. In short, you’re there for each
other. But are we though? (If you don’t get this reference, I hate you.) Anyway,
the point is, why are we all so miser to offer our services to a limited few? The
world is in chaos. Moral, psychological, emotional chaos. You’re not the only
damsel in distress. There are ones who are suffering and they don’t have the
kind of support you do. Maybe you’re one of them. See the point is, we are so
drenched in our own oceans of tears, we barely notice someone who is one step
away from tearing apart. We might assure someone we are there for them, we may
even listen to them, but why do we keep failing to hear it? The desperate need
to be actually heard? To be helped? To be held together?
We are losing too
many precious people. Because we didn’t see it. They weren’t the type to do such
a thing as to kill themselves. Hey, you know what? Maybe they weren’t the type,
but we weren’t the type to kill people either but our actions, our neglect did
let someone to take their life. And we are okay with it? Because we have
ourselves convinced it wasn’t us. It’s like handing over a loaded gun to
someone and saying it was them who
pulled the trigger. So your honor, might wanna consider hanging their dead body
for it?
Yes, suicide isn’t the
solution. It’s not the answer. A person committing suicide is as much responsible
for his death as are the other people. When you let your thoughts strangle you,
choke the life out of you, when you swallowed the pill of your self-created poison,
when you removed the safety from the gun, knowing that there is a weak point. Maybe
you self-designed that bullet of your doubts; maybe you polished the blunt of
your knife with the edge of your self-esteem. Now I apologize if I sound too
insensitive towards your struggles, or depression or anxiety. I am not being
insensitive. There is an underlying truth. And I apologize for being carried
away from the point, it just seemed important.
Okay, let’s just
leave the worst case scenario behind. There are lots of reasons we need to hear
out other people. If you wish to be understood, try to understand other people
as well. In that inside out world of yours, maybe you’re always the right one,
but let’s face it. There are times when you are wrong. Stop being so rigid and
take other people’s point of views. And respect them enough to at least agree
to disagree. Trashing people around for having different views than you is not making
you a better person. In this world of social media addicts, it’s so cool to be
a savage troll. Oh, you don’t care about other people? You must be awesome. And
stop. Just stop fooling yourself by saying it’s just a joke. If you’re leaving
behind respect, going around telling people what ignorant fools people are for
holding a different political perspective than yours, you're a horrible person. Because they don’t
support your leader, it’s okay for you to bash them with anything that comes in
your mind. Oh, they are not even real football fans. Well, congratulations, 10
points for your originality. No, STOP! Shut up and let people live. Stop being
such a bully. HEAR THEM OUT.
Yea well i do believe should people should hear others out and help each other out because i wouldn't like others to suffer but tbh if a person takes a put gun to mouth to commit suicide then i wouldn't stop them because i too would do same thing and let myself out of daily misery(it actually doesn't matter to me). It kinda says I'm suicide person which i maybe but i couldn't care as long as i get out of daily dose of regret, guilt and hate towards myself,not the world. It's like you've been here all by yourself and just haven't felt much alive. Well my point would yea hearing somebody out can help them. All those feelings trapped for years and just wanting somebody truly understand them is all we all need. But tbh if there are people like me, then I'd say there comes a time you'd lose it all, and everything is blocked off. Nothing comes in or goes out. And I'd definitely definitely would want to get away from it buf when you know you deserve in the world and in hell then one cannot move on. Well i thought I'd just share it cause there maybe people out there just same situation and probably all they can use an ear after all.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am sorry that your life had to torture you enough that you are seeking an exit. I am not going to pretend that I know what exactly you're going through, I am not you. But I understand this urge to take such a drastic desicion. Now, you can't possibly say that there hasn't been at least one happy moment in your life lately? Depression, anxiety and suffereing come in episodes and phases and they can be worse each time but the thing is, there are better moments. There are good times even if you have yourself convinved there are none. Maybe you think they're not worth it anymore. Life is nothing but an amusement. It's a test and a test can be shaped in anyway. But it will end. Later if not sooner but it's still a very short span. Even when you hit rock bottom, you aren't staying there. You're not titanic. You'll rise up eventually. YOU WILL. Look, I don't know how to talk someone out of suicide but you have gotta try hard enough. And this is why maybe I am not talking much on the topic. Suicide maybe understandable, it is still not the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteWell thank you for trying but as i were to say honestly, nothing goes in or out. I am what i am and i don't really care about myself. Suicide is kinda really normal thought for me so it doesn't really matter tbh. Well the only hesitation of not doing it tbh is well i don't want to end up in hell forever( as in islam). if it wasn't for this thought, poof done. Yes apparently i know there are good memories but they usually cancel by negative thoughts. I'm just bad person who've done wrong things and just live in regrets and guilt. Kinda hilarious that I've realized it a year ago of all the ugly things I've done and poof here i am, with no reason to breath and still breathing. Yes well probably i feel right now is to help people understand others. Ah i wish i could be detail of why i have these thoughts just to understand other that may be in same or less phase. So well it began which an ouch. Something just usually hit like a knife to emotions. So I've always been rejected by others but not everyone. I had friends which probably were never since i kinda became replaceable. So anyhow i kinda became alone or just felt it. And family fights only triggering trapped emotions further more. Gotta love those. And then the true feeling of being alone. Meh i wouldn't deny it sometimes talk to myself or just doing something to avoid these thoughts. Yes apparently it seemed that i kinda i did or desire to have someone. And then came the realization since being alone means you've got all the time. This made me realize the ugly things I've done to others. Guilt and regret the big motivation for doing suicide. Kinda hilarious i even end up noticing the tiniest things i did. All negative thoughts. And now self doubts, losing confidence, hating myself, feeling utterly useless. Meh tbh i deserve this any case but it is a bit suffering after all losing yourself bit by bit isn't easy. Well I've analyzed my emotions over time and took time on thinking of what i did and why i did so it's not hard for me to explain my motives. I've cut ofd things and tried cut off people that led to happiness or angry or even sadness. Easier. Kinda blocked off. Well anyway everyone goes through different phases and some people are sensitive just being alone can be big for them since they never felt it in life and same goes for other negative emotions. Probably for me worst phase is or was the self doubt. I ran away from important things. Just away sadly and it costs me a lot but i guess I'll get used to it like rest. So i told all this so that there maybe person like me or different but you know suicidal and it may never be late(don't fall for fake smile when you know something is wrong). It's helpful you've posted this issue and i kinda wanted to share what it really felt so other can truly understand. ( i did not tell this to gain sympathy or someone can pursue me. I kinda wanted to help so don't pursue me. I'm already aware so well saying good things wouldn't change me, just a little bit late now imo)
DeleteWell, the fact that you are still alive kind of contradicts the fact that it’s over. It’s far from over. And I understand that there is no need to talk you out of suicide because at least you have a realization, you don’t wanna get stuck in hell. But the fact that you do realize you have done wrong things and you have guilt is a positive step, though you have been interpreting it as a negative one. Realization is actually a blessing. It’s not a curse. Hopelessness isn’t a way to go. And stop telling yourself nothing will ever change anything because you have sealed the door shut. You have got all you need; you just need to steer in the opposite direction. I won’t pursue because I am not the one that can help you. But please for the love of God, help yourself. This realization wouldn’t have come if Allah hadn’t had a plan for you. You seem to think you have no reason to breathe? If you had no reason, you wouldn’t still be alive. You have this chance. Break those rotten concepts of yours. Earn your forgiveness, from people and from Allah even if you have to stab your ego in the face. It’s never too late as long as you’re still breathing. Again, I am not pursuing, I am not trying to help you, I am just telling you that you are trying to help yourself, or at least a part of you is, PLEASE LET IT HELP.
DeleteI'm tired. I've tried. I've tried to move forward. It's not the people forgiveness I'm looking for,it's my own. I'm sadly unable to go forward. I know I'm hopeless and should believe in myself. I've tried over and over and still do but my result is same again. I feel tired now. I don't think i have the will or strength to stay positive. It's just alot you know looking back. There's a lot. I don't know what to say or do. i kinda imagined an endless adventure and just there are so many things out there in world. Countless possibilities and things waiting to happen. And yet here i am talking about myself kinda makes me feel like a potato. I'm just a tiny piece in this world. Living or dying wouldn't doesn't stop the world. i couldn't care any less. I'm just here at a cave with no way in or out or i just feel that way. Maybe kinda stupid but i guess i am what i am. Maybe this all is kinda dumb, i mean telling my story. Tch, I really am a bit hopeless but it doesn't matter to me. Well i guess thank you for this but i guess losers do easily give up. Anyhow well I've shared the necessary that may or may not help people in understanding others that is if they want that. I kinda think this should be last comment for this topic. We should all try to stay positive i guess.
ReplyDeleteVery well written zirva, Masha Allah. I really appreciate what you said but I did feel like you missed a few things in it. Then reading the conversation below, i guess your replies had the missing chunks in there. But I'll like to add a few things for my dear brother /sister with whom you had the conversation.
ReplyDeleteClearly it's neither easy to explain what you are going through nor you can make anyone understand yourself completely but still you managed to explain the most of it.what stops you from suicide is a great blessing in it self if you realise. I understand once you are in such a phase,you can't bring yourslef to stay hopeful or positive but that is where you need it the most. Hope. It's very easy to stay hopeful when everything goes right but you have to constantly remind yourself that things are going to be okay, when you actually fail to see the way out. When you fail to see the ray of hope, tell yourself there's a tiny spark somewhere around you which you can't see. Ask Allah to guide you out of this. Tell Him again and again. Ask Him for help even though you know He's going to help without asking. Tell Him again and again how you feel. This will drag you to the very end of the tunnel from where you see the light finally. Everyone is going to die anyway and it won't matter if you are no more there in this big universe. Generations and generations have been replaced. So what should one do then. Sit and wait until you die?You can't possibly do that and this is not what you are here for. You have to live your life, struggling most of the times, physically, mentally or spiritually but you have to live. Live with a faith that you'll be compensated for your struggle in one way or another for sure. At the end, it's the faith that keeps you striving.Nothing that you said is dumb or foolish. I understand you are not here for sympathy or anything and it's pretty hard to break your shell sometimes and say a few things but it's okay once in a while if you do so. Sometimes you have to break your shell for your own sake. It takes alot to step out of your zone but you have to in oder to help your self and only you can do it for yourself. Every one has certain things from their pasts that they regret badly. We are all sinners but indeed the best of sinners are those who repent.Even when the guilt haunts you, You have to keep going. Allah shall and will heal things for you. InshaAllah.Life is surely a test and a soul is never burdened beyond it's capacity. This is with in your capacity and with Allah's help you can make your way out. Trust Him, trust your self, keep trying and keep reminding yourself. May Allah help you and make this all easier for you. Ameen
Gah. I am so proud of you. This was beautiful.
DeleteAnd yes, the reason I missed points were because I had to keep it short and I did think if I have to, I'll explain further to the one who asks.
Jazak Allah. Proud of you too. Keep writing. May Allah improve your skills further and bless you with the succes of both worlds. Ameen
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