Sunday, 31 July 2016


Ask your mother if you could order in a pizza tonight and she will tell you how they are already wasting money on your tuition. Tell her your throat is sore and she will tell you it’s because you were on your phone all day. No, your complexion isn’t going darker because you were out in the sun all day; it’s because you don’t eat what she gives you. Is it just me or does your mother also tell you how ugly you are getting because you don’t sleep early at the night? Tell your parents how you scored 99.9% and they’ll tell you how it’s not 100%. "What do you mean the whole class failed the test? Those who passed are not anybody’s children?" What even?

“Hey mom, can I go out with my friends today?”
“Ask your dad.”
“Dad, uh-“
“Ask your mother.”
When did you guys plan this move?

Ask them to plan an outing and they’ll tell you they are busy making money to throw in the garbage. It’ll take you a while to realize that you are the garbage.

You know how they say women always win the argument? Pfft, have you met a desi dad?

Freedom of speech this and freedom of speech that, bruv I am a desi kid, freedom of speech to me is as real as Santa and unicorns.

“baita, it’s your life, do whatever you want with it, just be a doctor, marry the spouse we choose, come and go at times we tell, eat what we say, sleep when we ask, beat Abdullah sahib's, Kamal sahib's , Auntie Naseem’s child and all the children that exist in the same grade as you, round the globe…*silence*, you can go to the bathroom whenever you want, though, it’s your life after all.”
Tell your parents you want to make a decision for yourself and they’ll remind you how you pulled a door that said push. I am not saying you won’t be allowed to make decisions, but they won’t be for you, they’ll be for your kids. That’s how it goes in here.

You know, I had a test recently and my father asked me why I wasn’t worried about it. The next day he said. “No pressure baita, stay calm” ...

You know how cute it is, when your parents tell the most embarrassing incident from your childhood just to amuse a bunch of people and they stare at you with such judgmental eyes measuring on a scale of one to ten, how red is your blush?

You break a glass, you break a glass. They break a glass, “Who put that glass here?”

“I am bored. Let me call a kid and give him a lecture about something.”

You know what’s funny? They won’t remember your birthday, but what they will remember is the thing you said to them 7 months ago. Apparently, that one made its way to the long-term memory and not your birthday.

Believe me, every parent, every single one of them thinks his/her kid is the worst child on the planet. If you arrange a debate on the topic "whose kid is the worst?" Trust me; they will kill to prove it’s theirs.

“Time is money and laziness is a crime, but puttar come downstairs and hand me over the glass of water that’s lying two steps away.”

“When I was your age….” And a superheroic movie begins.
 The green land of the crops
Water from tube well drops,
Buffalos around the stand
A boy from never land
Does all the chores of home
Before the rise of dawn.

What a heart-wrenching story.

They slam the door, they slam the door. You slam the door, you’re freakin’ dead.

Do I even need to mention what happens while they are trying to sleep and when you are?


I can go on all day but this will never end. The weirdness will continue and you’ll keep asking; Why in the heavens and the earth do they have to be this weird.

And when you sit down to gather stuff like that, it’s like a never-ending list; Things peculiar yet familiar about them. Actions that bug you and then the other time amuse you. After all, they are your parents and this is what makes them special, the way they are, the WEIRD them. You might say sometimes that you don’t like them but you love them always and they love you, more than anything. The reason that makes them strange and odd is that they helplessly adore you. Know it or not, but that’s what makes your day, that’s what gives you a reason to smile and laugh and even cry. They are the reason you are in this world. They are the reason you have grown up this much. That’s what parents are. That’s why parents are so weird!



Even if you do enjoy your reputation as a mysterious Pandora box, at some point in your life you’d want to be understood or accepted or at ...