Sunday, 27 December 2015

DIARY OF A DEAD DUCKLING

Up until the day, everyone thought I would nail the test, except for, when the result came out, the 'N' got accidentally replaced by one giant 'F'.
yes, I had Failed the test.
All my life, the word ''test'' was a joke. I mean, who cares about a stupid test?
True, I was a coward and tests did scare me at times, but they didn't destroy me back then.
Then came the fabulous MCAT.
It was like skydiving, with defective chutes.
To be honest, I never liked coloring, or say, filling in. It tired me back then, it tires me now. But the test takers didn't seem to care about that.
To ace the test is easy until you Face the test. The ''F'' word has killed it, not metaphorically but literally.
Failing the test wasn't as bad as failing the expectations. Not that I reminded them multiple times, prepared them for the worst, or so I'd thought. It did fall like a bombshell over my parents, my relatives, and all those people I don't even know that exist, but the only person that didn't have any effect, was, me, or so my parents thought.
So started the time, I would refer to as 'torture', for there is no better-suited word for that or it's my vocabulary's shortcoming.

"WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR THE BEST''
                          ''OR SIMPLY YOU DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH''
''MAYBE THIS WASN'T MEANT TO BE'' 
                          ''MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO ME''
''LOTS OF PEOPLE FAILED IT''
                          ''TALK ABOUT THOSE WHO PASSED IT''

Okay, Never mind.

Up till now I had no idea how unbearable I was when I stayed home 24/7. 
Up till now I also had no idea how many people were concerned about me.

"Admission?''
''Got in somewhere?''
''Any luck?''

Never mind that either.

I confess, I saw that coming. But imagining the vision and living the vision are two worlds apart.
It's about that stage of life, when you have time, which you know you would never have again, but you don't wanna do anything. weirdly, you don't wanna do 'nothing' either. It's that time when you want to get rid of yourself. 
Sitting in bed for days, when you realize you need interaction, for your brain has started to rust, you plan a get-together. And when you go for permission, guess what the reply is;

''DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ADMISSION FIRST''
or more likely
''YEAH, LIKE YOU HAVE DONE SO WELL IN THE TEST''

Oh, Come on. 

You never know, when they start questioning you about it. Like five seconds ago, my father asked me, ''So, what now?''. I told him. Five seconds later he asks me again, then five minutes later the question springs up again. FOR THE SAKE OF LORD! 
At the moment, my life has no meaning. It's taunts and questions, and regrets
.
This is the time that will never come again, so embrace the moment, use it to your best, discover your hidden talents, carve them out, enhance them. Reshape your life. Beautify yourself, Read, watch. Don't let the moment get into your head. Stay focused.

Because there is always hope, There is always a next time. There is always another way. 
And then, There is always another ''LECTURE'' (if you know what I mean?) 

THIS TIME WILL PASS. AND ONE DAY THE DEAD DUCK WILL COME BACK TO LIFE. ONE DAY!


2 comments:

  1. So well written, It's just like when you are at the ocean's deepest & darkest surface, you're left with two choices,
    either to stay there and corrode,
    or rise up collecting pearls from the surface, appear richer with jewels.

    these jewels are the lessons you've learned from previous mistakes.

    Listen up mates, Hold yourself, gather your broken pieces, Focus on your goal, because regrets never bring back the time.

    Read books, watch tv, surf internet to get rid of boredom, meanwhile stay focused.

    A year will pass, what matters in the end is your achievement.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Man. You're always right. Thanks for mentioning this all. I now feel like I'm alone in these circumstances. Yes, time will pass soon. Everyone has some 'down moments' in his life. Maybe, not this way but the other. Maybe you dont figure that. I hope this trial ends soon. A few years later Insha'Allah we'll comprehend that all this was to teach something really big. And we'll acknowledge it.
    Time doesnot stay the same. This will go soon too.

    ReplyDelete

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