DIARY OF A DEAD DUCKLING

Up until the day, everyone thought I would nail the test, except for, when the result came out, the 'N' got accidentally replaced by one giant 'F'.
yes, I had Failed the test.
All my life, the word ''test'' was a joke. I mean, who cares about a stupid test?
True, I was a coward and tests did scare me at times, but they didn't destroy me back then.
Then came the fabulous MCAT.
It was like skydiving, with defective chutes.
To be honest, I never liked coloring, or say, filling in. It tired me back then, it tires me now. But the test takers didn't seem to care about that.
To ace the test is easy until you Face the test. The ''F'' word has killed it, not metaphorically but literally.
Failing the test wasn't as bad as failing the expectations. Not that I reminded them multiple times, prepared them for the worst, or so I'd thought. It did fall like a bombshell over my parents, my relatives, and all those people I don't even know that exist, but the only person that didn't have any effect, was, me, or so my parents thought.

So started the time, I would refer to as 'torture', for there is no better-suited word for that or it's my vocabulary's shortcoming.

"WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR THE BEST''

                          ''OR SIMPLY YOU DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH''

''MAYBE THIS WASN'T MEANT TO BE'' 

                          ''MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO ME''

''LOTS OF PEOPLE FAILED IT''

                          ''TALK ABOUT THOSE WHO PASSED IT''

Okay, Never mind.

Up till now I had no idea how unbearable I was when I stayed home 24/7. 

Up till now I also had no idea how many people were concerned about me.

"Admission?''

''Got in somewhere?''

''Any luck?''

Never mind that either.

I confess, I saw that coming. But imagining the vision and living the vision are two worlds apart.

It's about that stage of life, when you have time, which you know you would never have again, but you don't wanna do anything. weirdly, you don't wanna do 'nothing' either. It's that time when you want to get rid of yourself. 

Sitting in bed for days, when you realize you need interaction, for your brain has started to rust, you plan a get-together. And when you go for permission, guess what the reply is;

''DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ADMISSION FIRST''

or more likely

''YEAH, LIKE YOU HAVE DONE SO WELL IN THE TEST''

Oh, Come on. 

You never know, when they start questioning you about it. Like five seconds ago, my father asked me, ''So, what now?''. I told him. Five seconds later he asks me again, then five minutes later the question springs up again. FOR THE SAKE OF LORD! 

At the moment, my life has no meaning. It's taunts and questions, and regrets
.
This is the time that will never come again, so embrace the moment, use it to your best, discover your hidden talents, carve them out, enhance them. Reshape your life. Beautify yourself, Read, watch. Don't let the moment get into your head. Stay focused.

Because there is always hope, There is always a next time. There is always another way. 

And then, There is always another ''LECTURE'' (if you know what I mean?) 

THIS TIME WILL PASS. AND ONE DAY THE DEAD DUCK WILL COME BACK TO LIFE. ONE DAY!

FIGHT FOR THE SOUL

We have come far, far enough that we have lost ourselves to the darkness that lied buried in our souls for centuries. Today, our souls are buried under the immense darkness, that there is not much of the souls left. Left enough to let us breathe, but not feel.
I am not saying that the sensation of pain is lost. We still ache, we still bleed, but only for what matters to us.
Wonderful it is, how we achieved the unimaginable, how we revealed the unexpected. The world is a wonder today. For ages, we ran the marathon of discovering the fantasies, turning them into reality. But in that race, we left something behind, far behind, our humanity, our souls.
We are so desperate to win this race that we will crush whatever lies in our way. We are not racing to win, we are racing to defeat the world. Victory is not the fun anymore, devastating loss is worth celebrating though.
Humans!
Being a Muslim would be that hard, I had never imagined. I wonder, why out of all the religions, they always try to eliminate us? So hard, that they would push their humanity out of their souls, to do what? Defeat us? Eradicate us? For what possible reason? Because we are different? Aren't all religions different? What do they have to fear from us?
I don't exactly remember when this all started, well actually I can't recall what the safer world felt like. In fact, I don't even know, because I wasn't born in a safer world. I was born in the world of monsters, the world of beasts. The world I grew up in is a dreaded picture of deception and lameness. The world I live in has blood lust, it has a thing for other people's misery. A world where blood pool and blood bath are a source of pleasure.
Muslims had always been the target. At first, the mission was to scatter, to spread fear, to give them a blow and put them to rest. That worked, for quite some time. People were rattled. Nowhere was safe. They ached for the losses, theirs and for the losses of their brothers. Gradually they developed immunity. Or least I know that I did. I stopped caring for what happened outside. I shut it out, for I knew, there was nothing I could do about it.
From shopping malls to Mosques, from hotels to hospitals, from offices to school and colleges, everywhere was a massacre, a bloodbath.
But it didn't work how exactly it was planned, now the Muslims were fighting back, physically and verbally. When the world started to look at them doubtfully, calling them the extremists, the
"terrorists". They put the label on us, on what basis? because they saw a massacre? they saw the people who referred themselves as "Muslims" killing others in cold blood. So now every Muslim
was a terrorist. Well on that basis, there is a Christian mob out there, assaulting people, would you put the label on every Christian? Would you call each of them as a gangster? because according to the "rule" you must. if one Buddhist commits a crime, every Buddhist should be a criminal.
And then, even if we were the terrorists, why would we kill our own people? Why would we slaughter our own children? Our own loved ones?
Then when this failed, the mission shifted. To turn the whole world against us. Now terrorism is everywhere. Paris, Africa, round the world. And they would label them " Muslim shooters'', "Muslim
terrorists".
Why?
Let me tell you why. Because plan A failed.
they couldn't defeat us on their own. Because what they fear about Muslims, they saw a glimpse of it. Our "spirit" as we fought back. They knew they couldn't stop us. They also knew, they have fooled half the world into believing Muslims as terrorists. So the stupidity of the world to fall for what they "think" they saw, was an ultimate weapon for the plan B. So now, tell the whole world Muslims got tired of killing their own, so they decided to kill others. Perfect strategy to wage a war.
I wonder why we have to suffer. You saw what happened out there in the world. Did you happen to notice what is going on in Syria, in Kashmir? And let me tell you, "Muslims" are dying and "Muslims" are not killing them.
A terrorist is a human without humanity. And a human without humanity is a grenade. Combine them together and the yield is the atom bomb.
I ask you, how long do you have to suffer before you open your eyes to see the truth? How much more do you have to lose? How many more Muslims have to be blamed for a bunch of soulless people? TERRORISTS DO NOT BELONG TO HUMANITY  THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ANY RELIGION. Be it Islam or Christianity. How long will it take, for you to realise that?
This has to be stopped. The world has to be safer again. Or what we are looking at is world war III or massive destruction or anything but peace. What we are looking at is the loss of the tiny bit of humanity, the slightest of the souls left. We are looking at the "End of the world".
I ask you, you think Islam is extremism? You think our religion promotes violence? Open Qur'an. Read it. Find out the answers and you will be stunned. Islam is beautiful, if only Muslims of today followed it completely.
It is not just today, that someone is trying to eliminate us. It has had been happening for a very long time.
I ask you, to open your eyes, for your sake, for the sake of your loved ones, for the sake of humanity. Stand up. Raise your voice. You can do something and deep deep inside I think you know that. Let us save the world before there is nothing left to save anymore. Let's take an action before its too late. Put the differences aside, let the battle begin. The battle for your soul. Let us not let them win it!